Can you believe 1 month has already passed? I'm really in disbelief about how fast it has gone! I can't tell you how much I have dreaded getting through this first month, but it honestly wasn't even half as bad as I expected it to be. I know in my past posts and just in general I have really come across as being extremely strong, and almost unaltered by the fact that Aj deployed. Now that the one month mark has hit I can honestly say that I have had(and I hate to say it) a couple rough days. I have only cried once, and it literally was from being so overwhelmed, not necessarily that I was sad. Aj hates why I cry, so over the years I have slowly learned to get my anger/sadness out in other forms. On these days though, I literally force myself to stay positive and put together some sort of activity to keep my mind off of the time and distance. I am waaaaaay ok with having only a few rough days, I half expected to go into some sort of depression or something I guess.
There is literally nothing I can tell anyone as far as how Aj's past few weeks have gone, but what I can say is that it has been a scary time, and I can no longer sleep through the night. I think I wake up 4-5 times now,and I hope at some point that changes. This experience has 100% solidified my whole hearted beliefs behind the career path I have chosen-being a counselor for military families and soldiers. There is literally ZERO support for the families and wives that is easily accessible other than the FRG and some half assed on post counseling, but even then you have to be careful about what you say. Who do you talk to when your husband calls and something not so good has happened? (I'm not saying this happened to us, just giving an example) You can't tell anyone because of OPSEC, even other military wives can't know much, if anything about your husband. It's just really frustrating, and I can see why so many soldiers and their families are choosing to leave the military right now. Anyone can go to a regular non military counselor, but from my experience with that, if they are not military, or have zero military background...you are better off talking to a brick wall than to someone who doesn't get it, you know?
Many people have been asking me "well, have you heard from him?" Just so you all know....I HATE that question. We can't skype because in all honesty he is too busy, our phone calls are timed at 15 min.(so we have chosen to not use this type of communication unless we are desperate to hear one another's voice), but every other day or so I may get a response or quick email from him....and I am so thankful for that. Aj's R&R has been jumping around like crazy. We planned on August so that we could get the majority of the deployment out of the way and so he could be home very close to our 1 year wedding anniversary. This quickly changed and he was put on R&R in June. It has changed a few more times since I originally wrote this paragraph, but we are looking at June at this exact moment.
On a happier note, so far this month I have been able to do a few fun things. I went to a comedy club for the first time and it was so much fun! I plan on going again next month when a comedian from the Chelsea Lately show comes into town. Also, I started my classes back up this Monday, and I'm going to be swamped with school work! I'm actually taking an online lab course. I contemplated for so long how I would do a lab course when I'm in my school's online degree program. So, I signed up for it anyways, and literally a few days later they sent me a lab kit. I wonder what the neighbors will say when they look into our kitchen window and see me doing a lab experiment...goggles and all ;D
Some things I have accomplished or learned so far are:
- I can't finish a gallon of milk on my own before the expiration date hits
- I have never been a person who eats breakfast(because I'm never hungry in the am and don't like many breakfast foods), but since Aj left I have been working hard to eat it everyday!
- I have yet to forget to put the trash out( something Aj and I fail at miserably together!)
- Grocery shopping for 1 is not only depressing, but nearly impossible for me.
- Cooking dinner for one is just never going to happen for me. Cup of noodle it is!
- Although I miss Aj sleeping next to me more than anything else in this world, I must say my legs are so happy to be able to stretch out! =D
- The part in my blog where I post recipes and what not is getting deleted, lets be honest here.... I don't enjoy cooking and I don't have the time to try new recipes all that much. I will have a few new things for Aj to try, but after that it's his turn!
Here are a sample of pictures from when we had our photos taken before Aj left. It was really important to me that we get photos done in the actual uniform he was going to be in for most of his time. Some of these photos are soooo cookie cutter, and to be honest...I like it.
