Freedom isn't free

      I would have posted sooner, but I have been so incredibly busy since Aj left.  I haven't had time to sit at the computer, or even be home much at all.  So, this is a condensed version of everything. I chose to leave some things out because 1. I don't want to bore anyone, and 2. Some things are just so special and private I would just rather hold onto them nice and tight for myself. =D


     There is nothing quite like saying "see you later" to your husband as he heads off to war. It leaves a hole in your chest, and there are so many unanswered questions and new emotions. You feel sick, you have moments of panic, and other times you wonder why the heck you agreed to this lifestyle. Thankfully, we were surrounded by amazing friends and families for this, and the love and support is just continuously over flowing.

                          (When Aj packs, expect a tornado)

    (Messing around with Aj's gear and trying to not make it so depressing)


      We woke up on D-day, and just laid in bed for awhile.  Having someone to sleep next to is something we are going to miss terribly, and yes D-day was everything we thought it would be; just awful. All morning Aj kept saying "is this real, is this really happening?" I wish it wasn't, but it's what we signed up for. I can't tell you how many times we hit snooze on our alarms, just hoping that this whole thing wasn't real. I was nauseous all morning and didn't eat. I still wasn't sure how I was going to react to that "see you later", so I was cautious.

                   (Last picture before leaving our home)

      I just about lost myself when Aj said goodbye to Conan(I know, I told myself crying is stupid, but that idea went out the window fast!) Poor guy has no clue tomorrow morning his daddy won't be there.  I have strict orders to train him well and teach him good manners(Funny, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who has taught all the basic commands to the dog so far!). I seriously can't wait for their reunion. I got Conan when I did because 1.  I knew he would be at the age where he would know his dad 2. he would remember him and 3. he would keep me company while Aj was away.

                                                       
                       (Saying "see you later" to Conan)

                         (Saying "see you later" to Cheeto)

 Aj's parents and I were able to be with him for a good 4 hours before we said "see you later"(we thought we only had about an hour; hurry up and wait!). The send off took place on post where the guys worked. It was nice because all of the families were in the parking lot together, and having all those people around served as a great reminder that we are not in this alone; we are all in this together. The weather was surprisingly beautiful on D-day, ironic because for so many families it was such a sad day. I'm just happy Aj got to enjoy one last pretty day here in the States =D

  

                        (On our way to drop him off...fake smiles)

                     (Hanging out during the few hours we had left)

     I didn't cry at all when saying "see you in a few months" to Aj. I decided that I needed to be positive and this experience was going to be just that. Plus, watching all those little one's crying and reaching out to dad one last time just about riped my heart right out of my chest. We do not have kids or one on the way, and I could not be more thankful for that!

    I will never forget the last words Aj said to me "I love you more than anything, this will go by quick, please take care of my Cheeto, love my puppy and train him to have good manners, and don't go crazy with my credit card" (I couldn't stop laughing). As sad as I want to be sometimes, or as angry as I want to be, that man finds a way to give me the giggles.

(Aj giving me his last demands ;D )

(Kissing Aj mid-laugh)

For those of you wondering, I'm fine! Seriously. Aj's mom has been a lifesaver and is keeping me super busy! We spent the rest of the day together after dropping Aj off, and she kept me busy Saturday. His family and I went to our annual military Christmas party that night. I had actually opted out from going a few days prior, because I wasn't sure how I would feel. I was just fine though, and decided that being surrounded by people who understand, and have many more deployments than we do was a great reminder that we can make it through this! It was fantastic and I had a really great time.  

On Sunday I was barely home at all. Aj's mom, and our good friend Pam and I were able to get a ton of Christmas shopping done. That night Aj's grandmother fell in her home and was sent to the ER. We  stayed with her until about 3am. Aj had tried to call me while I was there and I missed not only the first call, but 3 more after that!  I stayed calm about this, until some doctor ticked me off by telling me I couldn't stand in the area I was in because I would be in the way( it was the only area I was getting reception) I went off on the doctor about how I was waiting for a call from Afghanistan, and that shut him up real quick. The entire staff proceeded to tip toe around me all night ;D I didn't freak out much about not missing his call, even though I was annoyed by that doctor. I knew he would try again, and he did the next day =D No point in getting upset, I knew reception and any contact was going to be, and will continue to be crappy.

p.s.- what people don't tell you, is the tornado of crap the guys leave behind for you. I can't even being to tell you how much junk is all over the house from Aj packing. What the heck am I supposed to do with it, and where am I going to hide it for a year!?!